# Copying the Storm

- Link: https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/
- Published: 2026-10-20T21:58:55+00:00
- Author: Saal_clearingforest

[ 🌲 A clearing in the forest ](https://clearingintheforest.org/)

[ All pages ](https://clearingintheforest.org/?page_id=267#pages)

 [ Welcome ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#welcome) [ Your alarm ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#your-alarm)
[ The copying trick ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#copying-trick)
[ Sound familiar? ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#sound-familiar)
[ Whose voice? ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#whose-voice)
[ Inside your brain ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#inside-your-brain)
[ What helps ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#what-helps) [ Get help ](https://clearingintheforest.org/copying-the-storm/#get-help)

# Copying the Storm

Have you ever caught yourself acting like someone who scared you? Or heard their
harsh words in your head, even when they're not there?

That isn't weird and it doesn't make you bad. It's your brain trying to **keep you
safe**. This page explains how.

🔒 Nothing you tick or click here is saved or sent anywhere.
🚪 Press **Quick exit**
at the top any time to leave fast.

## Your brain has a smoke alarm

Deep inside your brain is a tiny **danger alarm**. When something scary happens,
it goes off fast, before you've even had time to think. Then your body picks a way
to stay safe.

**Tap each card** to flip it.

None of these are "choices". Your brain picks the one it thinks will keep you safest,
super fast.

## The copying trick

Sometimes the scary person is someone bigger, someone you live with or can't get
away from. You can't fight them. You can't run. So your brain finds another way.

It becomes an expert at **reading that person**: their face, their mood, what they
want. Then it does the safest thing: agree, obey, and even start **thinking and 
acting like them**.

Doctors call this **identification with the aggressor**. Long name, simple idea:
_copying the storm so it hurts you less._

**It can go two ways. Tap to see:**

Pick one above.

💜 **If someone hurt you:** it was never your fault. Copying them was your brain
protecting you.
💜 **If you've ever hurt others the way you were hurt:** you are
not a bad person, and you can stop. Talking to a safe adult is the brave first step.

## Does any of this sound familiar?

The copying trick can keep going long after the danger has stopped. Tick anything
that sounds like you. **Only you can see this.**

 I say sorry a lot, even when I haven't done anything wrong. I watch people's faces
closely to check if they're getting cross. When I make a mistake, I hear someone
else's harsh words in my head. I work really hard to keep everyone happy so nobody
gets angry. I find it hard to know what I want or what I like. Sometimes I say or
do mean things that were done to me, and then feel bad. I stick up for someone, 
even though they hurt me. When people shout, I go quiet, numb or "far away".

Nothing ticked yet.

This isn't a test and it can't tell you what has happened to you. Only you know 
that.

## Whose voice is it?

When someone has scared or hurt you, their words can move into your head and sound
like your own thoughts. We call this a **borrowed voice**.

Read each thought. Is it a **borrowed voice** or **your own kind voice**?

💡 **Tip:** borrowed voices are usually harsh and use words like _"always"_, _"never"_
and _"you're so…"_. Your own kind voice sounds like a good friend.

## What's happening inside your brain?

Tap the glowing dots to meet the brain parts that are probably involved.

Tap a dot or a button.

🔬 **Honest bit:** scientists are still working out exactly how the copying trick
works in the brain. These are the parts most likely to be involved, but nobody has
the full map yet.

## What helps

Good news: **brains can change.** The copying trick was learned, so your brain can
learn that it doesn't need it any more.

### 1. Calm the alarm

Ready?

  Breathe in while the circle grows, out slowly while it shrinks.

### 2. More things that help

## This page can't hear you. A real person can.

If anything here felt close to home, please tell someone you trust. That could be
a parent or carer, a teacher, the school nurse, your GP, or a friend's parent.

 📞

**Childline: 0800 1111**

Free, private, any time of day or night, for anyone under 19. You can also chat 
online at [**childline.org.uk**](https://www.childline.org.uk).

 💬

**Text SHOUT to 85258**

Free text support, 24/7, if you're struggling to cope.

 🚨

**In danger right now? Call 999.**

🌳 You made it to the end. Your brain has worked hard to keep you going, and that
counts. You deserve to feel safe, and you're allowed to grow into **your own** kind
of person.

Clearing in the Forest · Information to help young people understand themselves.
Not a diagnosis or treatment.

Written by **Dr Saal Seneviratne**, Consultant Psychiatrist at [The Burlington Clinic](https://www.theburlingtonclinic.com),
London · Last reviewed 21 October 2026 · [About these pages](https://clearingintheforest.org/about/)