A loop, not a life sentence
Understanding your buying cycle
This isn't a test. It's a way to look at what happens, in order, so you and your therapist can talk about it together. Loops that were learned can be unlearned.
Your cycle
Tap each step on the ring to see what it means. The dot shows how one step runs into the next.
Each one has a reason it happens. None of them means you are weak or a mess.
โป step 4 often feeds back into step 1. That is why it feels endless. It isn't.
Where the loop can be broken
A loop only keeps going if every link holds. Tap an exit to see the ring break there. You don't need all three. One is enough to change the pattern.
Your nervous system learned it to protect you. Learned things can be unlearned, step by step, with the right help. Every time you notice which step you are on, the loop gets a little weaker.
Missing someone and knowing you shouldn't don't cancel out
Attachment and judgement run on different clocks.
Missing them is not a sign your judgement is wrong. It's normal grief, made harder because it's a grief almost nobody will let you speak about out loud. That's worth saying to your therapist directly, not just carrying alone.
What sets it off?
Tap any that feel familiar. There's no wrong answer, and nothing here is saved or sent anywhere.
Is this a flashback, or "just" a bad mood?
Answer honestly. This is a discussion starter for your next session, not a diagnosis.
Does it feel like you are back there, not just remembering it?
Does your body react (heart racing, freezing, feeling far away) more than the situation seems to call for?
Does it come with a strong sense of danger, even when you're objectively safe?
Is it hard to stop once it starts, without doing something physical (like buying)?
Does it fade only once you've acted (bought something, left the room, etc.), not just with time?
When it happens โ which one is it?
You may have more than one flashback. Naming which one this time helps your therapist target the right memory.
A phrase that pulls you back
Sometimes it's not a memory but specific words that keep pulling at you. Type one here โ just for you, nothing is saved or sent โ then hold it up to the questions below, ideally with your therapist in the room the first time.
Was this said before or after you knew what they had done?
Does this comfort you, or does it ask you to carry something for them?
If a friend told you someone they trusted had said this to them, what would you tell your friend?
Does believing this help you, or does it keep you tied to them?
Ride the wave
An urge to buy feels like it will only grow. It won't. It rises, peaks and falls, usually within minutes. Press start and watch it pass. Breathe with the words.
It can get better
Not a slogan. This is what the work actually looks like.
People recover from this
Buying to stop a flashback is common after trauma, and it responds to treatment. You are not the first, and you are not the exception.
The skill was real
Buying worked because it stopped the spinning. The job now is to find skills that do the same and cost less. You already know how to find one.
A slip is information
If you buy, that's one loop, not the whole story. Note the trigger and the step you got to. That is exactly what your therapist needs.
Small steps count
Waiting ten minutes, naming the trigger, telling someone. Each one is a thread cut in the loop. They add up.
This tool is meant to be used alongside your therapist, not instead of them. If you feel unsafe right now, call Samaritans free on 116 123 (any time, day or night) or go to A&E.