Feelings on the Move · 5 of 5

Container and contained

How someone helps you hold a big feeling

Meet the person

Wilfred Bion

1897–1979

Born in Mathura, India. At about 20 he commanded a tank in the First World War and won a medal for bravery. Afterwards he became a psychiatrist, and Melanie Klein was his analyst. In 1962 he wrote Learning from Experience, where he described the “container”.

The idea

Babies can’t handle big feelings, so they cry them out. A good grown-up takes the feeling in, stays calm and makes sense of it (“Oh, you’re hungry”). Then they hand it back smaller and easier to hold. Do this thousands of times and the child learns to do it alone. If nobody can hold the feeling, it bounces back bigger. Bion called that “nameless dread”.

Container: out goes the scary feeling, back comes a feeling you can hold.

Who are your containers?

There’s someone I can tell a bad feeling to who won’t panic.I usually feel lighter after talking to them.I’ve been that calm person for a friend.Sometimes I can calm myself down with nobody around.

If a feeling is too big to hold right now, tell a grown-up you trust. In the UK you can call Childline free on 0800 1111.

Spot it

Zoe gets home furious. Her dad doesn’t shout back. He says, “Sounds like today was really unfair.” Zoe cries, then calms down. What was Dad doing?

Be a container

Pick a spiky feeling. See what a container might say.

Tap a feeling above.

All five on one page

Idea

Direction

What happens

Projection

Out →

I see my feeling in you

Introjection

← In

I carry your voice inside me

Projective identification

Out →

You end up really feeling my feeling

Introjective identification

← In

I become like you

Container

Out → ← In

You hold my feeling and give it back smaller

▸ For grown-ups: sources

[Ref: Bion W.R. (1962) A theory of thinking. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis 43:306–310]

[Ref: Bion W.R. (1962) Learning from Experience. London: Heinemann]